The relationship we have with money did not come out of nowhere. This is surprising to most people and for those who have never heard of Money Scripts. I find money scripts fascinating as they form the foundation for our relationships with money and every person’s Money Script is so different, just like every person is different. In Family Systems Theory, there is this idea that our relationships with things like money largely come out of our relationships with significant people in our lives and the interconnectedness of their relationships with each other. Money Scripts are the rules we have around money that are often learned in childhood, often unconscious, passed down through the generations, only partial truths but become responsible for our financial outcomes.
For example, my husband and I have very different Money Scripts, and our three children will have different Money Scripts based on their relationships with each of us and with each other, as well as how my husband and I handle our relationship with one other. It’s complicated! But it is helpful for us to know our own and each other’s Money Scripts. Then we can make decisions more objectively and more reality- based rather than based on our Money Scripts alone. When making financial decisions, it helps me to understand my husband better and where he is coming from when I understand the ‘backstory’ to his Money Script.
More context around this is one common example of a “money script” most people are familiar with and where it originally came from is probably not well known.
I have heard people say that money is the root of all evil, and I wondered where this idea came from. My research led me to find that it actually comes from the Bible and is often misquoted, as the verse actually says, “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).
Another version of this saying is that “insatiable greed for money is the root of all evil.” Even with the same Money Script it can be interpreted in different ways and show up in people differently in how they action their behaviour around money.
Upon evaluating my individual Money Scripts, I determined “money is the root of all evil” is a Money Script that does not impact my personal Money Script but one I have definitely heard of and been aware of. Morgan Housel in his book titled “The Psychology of Money” talks about how much luck and risk is involved in our financial situation and the importance of humility. Lots of people work really hard but don’t have the same wealth that other people might have. This is largely due to luck. Housel also talks about how much money is ‘enough’. Research tells us what is needed for a ‘sweet spot’ of happiness and about the connection between the pursuit of more money and our well-being.
Independence or autonomy is almost impossible when we are financially dependent on someone else. Unfortunately there are situations where coercive control exists and money is used to maintain control, as well as financial abuse, which is a form of domestic violence. Financial dependence can exist in grown up children still depending on their parents. I often come across people wanting to have a certain amount of money to leave to their children, but very little thought has gone into how to prepare their children for handling this money that they will hand down to them. I know I have wanted my children to be independent as adults, but as they are all in adulthood now I notice how they all have different ways of handling money, and they grew up in the same family with the same parents as each other! Go figure!
So it’s not about the money, it’s about the relationship we have with money.
Join me in my upcoming workshop- Our Relationships with Money on Thursday 31 August.
Participants will expect to evaluate your own Money Script to use as a practical tool regarding your financial dealings in life. For anyone working with money it gives you an insight when working with clients/teams or other family members to support them to insightful financial solutions. I will be covering Money Scripts, what the research says about happiness and money, and how we prepare the next generation for better handling money.
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References:
- Housel, M., 2020. The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness. Harriman House Limited.
- Klontz, T., Klontz, B. and Kahler, R., 2008. The financial wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge.
