Some people like to start the year with a New Year’s Resolution. In a recent New York Times article, we were told that more than half of all resolutions fail, and a third don’t make it past the end of January. Not a great success rate!
This year I decided to make a New Year’s Resolution, but more importantly I decided to take responsibility for a task that I am now responsible for but have been neglecting. I decided to call it a New Year’s Resolution in jest, but have begun telling my friends and family about it as a way of holding me accountable for staying on track with it.
You might laugh at how simple my New Year’s Resolution task is, but it is actually something I was struggling with last year and really wanted to work at ‘doing it better’ this year. I have struggled with this task simply because other people did it for the last 8 years or so. I had gotten out of the habit of doing it, I no longer saw it as my responsibility, and I have a tonne of other things to think about and do so I simply forgot about it. When others are taking responsibility for things, I tend to abdicate my responsibility in this area.
In the last 8 years or so someone else in my household has checked the mail each day. There is a key involved, so it is a two-step process – get the key, check the mailbox. I haven’t had to think about it for so long now. But in the last 12 months, my husband and I became empty nesters and he is often away for work during the week. On weekends, my husband would say “have you checked the mail this week?” I would reply “Oh no, I forgot”. I genuinely had forgotten, even though I walk past the mailbox everyday and I hear the post being delivered most days as I work from home.
So this New Year I decided to get on top of some of my life admin and realised that some things of importance still come in the mail. I mean, I love receiving hand written letters. These are now so rare but I remember a time when I would write and receive letters from family and friends and it was always something to look forward to, back in those days I would check the mailbox daily. There are also one or two bills that still come by mail, and I was neglecting paying them on time because I hadn’t checked the mail. I can do better, so hence my plan to set it as a New Year’s Resolution to make it fun and use it as a way of reminding me of my responsibility.
The next step I realised I had to deal with was opening the mail when I brought it into the house from the mailbox. I had a pile of unopened mail in the in-tray on my husband’s desk (not my desk as that would be too messy) dating back to early last year. The other day I told my friend proudly about how I had checked the mail that day and she asked if I had opened it! I had not! So that two-step process is now a four-step process and my responsibility has grown:
- Get key
- Check Mail box
- Open Mail
- Deal with Mail
Now I see why so many New Year’s resolutions don’t make it past the end of January. But I am practising, and I am sure I can achieve this goal for the year. Only one resolution, how hard can it be???
In systems theory, the idea of being a mature and responsible person is taking responsibility for things that are our own responsibility and do not belong to others. On the flip side of this, is not taking responsibility for things that belong to other people.
How are you doing at this as we enter a New Year? There are so many things others cannot do for me and I need to take responsibility for. These are things like getting enough sleep at night, taking care of my health, spending time on my relationships with family and friends, checking my own mail and the list goes on. Also, the list is different for everyone, so what would you put on your list of ‘what are you responsible for?’ and what would go on the list of ‘what are you not responsible for?’
If you would like some help with working some of this out, then get in touch with Veronica at Leadership In Mind via email on veronica@leadershipinmind.com.au or go to https://leadershipinmind.com.au to book a time for a coaching session.
