How do you stay on track with goals for the year, when the year has already taken off and it’s full speed ahead? I have spent the last few years decluttering my home, my office, my inbox and a bunch of other things. This means less ‘stuff’ and ‘mental load’ to deal with. What this frees me up for is to have more time to do the things I want to do and finally get to my wish list.
It can be so hard to actually fulfil those things on your wish list, whether it be more down time, a trip you’ve been wanting to take, or just being able to take up a hobby that you keep putting off for later. When we have a clearer path to our goals or wish list then it is more possible to find your way to achieve these things.
Our Values help to shape our goals. I imagine it like a ‘top down’ mind map where my Values of being ‘creative’, ‘connected’, ‘contributing’ might then lead me to develop my goals out of these Values. Then I am not seduced by all these other goals or wish list items that came from seeing something on socials, or what other people are doing, or what I think is what I am meant to be doing? But instead my goals come out of my clear ideas about my Values and the kind of person I want to be. Of course living out my Values is not always a perfect path. I don’t get it right all time, but I have an anchor point to remind me of what is important to me and how I want to be in the world.
Years ago I did an exercise of what I wanted written on my Epitaph or said about me at my funeral. This was an exercise about figuring out my Values and getting clear about how I want to be as a person. We aren’t all going to be comfortable doing this kind of exercise, but you might want to think about these questions:
- How do I want my friends to describe me if asked about the kind of person I am?
- What will my children remember about me?
- What is important to me?
- What do I believe in?
- What kind of parent, spouse, partner, sibling, daughter/son would I like to be?
- When have you felt most energised, joy, fulfilled? What does this say about what you value most?
- In your toughest moments, what was most important to you? What did this teach you about what you value most?
- What legacy do you want to leave behind?
- What are your non-negotiables in relationships or friendships?
My Goals can then come out of these Values that I develop. Brene Brown talks about the importance of developing your core values, so if you could get down to your top 2 core values. This is definitely hard work. But she suggests starting with your top 15 values and then getting to your final 2 core values. So if you feel challenged, you can give this exercise a go, and focus on what really matters to you.
In systems theory we get to wrestle with what our beliefs are, what really matters to me and this is part of growing in emotional maturity. When I can work on ‘growing up’ a bit more in my emotional maturity context, then I can be more the person I am meant to be. If you want to work more on your emotional maturity, it begins with understanding yourself better, but in the context of your relationships with others. We are not ‘islands’ and we are built to be in relationship with other humans. It is a challenge, but a good one to work on. A lot of my Values reflect how I want to be with the significant people in my life.
I hope you get to your wish list, but more importantly I hope you get to work on your Values – the things that really matter to you so you become the best version of yourself. One of the things on my wish list is having more time to be creative this year!
References:
Brown, B., 2018. Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random house.
https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values
Brown, J., 2017. Growing Yourself Up: How to bring your best to all of life’s relationships. Exisle Publishing.
